This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Shaq is getting a divorce.  That’s fantastic, he is definitely going to be doing the single thing for a while, and why wouldn’t he?  He is one of the biggest names in sports and can definitely reel in the ladies with the best of them.  But when it comes time to settle down with someone to help him raise all six of his rugrats, he is going to need a suitable wife, or partner if you will.  Now, assuming I were his relationship advisor I would give him this list, consisting of people who he should definitely not consider for his second marriage:

Britney Spears + Shaq + K-Fed – come on now, do I need to explain why this is a bad idea?  Yes.  First, she married Kevin Federline, who wants sloppy seconds after K-Fed has been there…gross…so gross.  She might be the worst parent of all time.  She neglects her kids, flashes her vajay-jay all over town, and she shaved her head.  Now she is hanging out with Chris Angel, possibly the biggest tool ever.  Brittney’s stock is too low for Shaq.  K-Fed would be a better match for Shaq…hey maybe he could be the nanny.

After a long weekend of partying, or a trip to Vegas, or a wedding with an open bar, or if you are in college, everyone has experienced some sort of hangover or effects of that nature. Times like these require desperate measures, well, depending on how desperate your situation is. Most people have tried a good number of these remedies, and most of them have discovered which works best for them. If you are out of college and you havn’t figured out what works best for you, get it together cause you suck at life!!! Okay sorry that was harsh. Here are some hangover cures that I have heard of:

Drink More – the manly way to do it. This is the expected method if you are in Las Vegas, you don’t have a choice.

Smoke Weed – First, we at drunkenpanda.com do not condone or support this in any way, it’s illegal….drugs are illegal!!! But, supposedly it’s one of the best hangover cures out there. I don’t know why or how it works because I have never tried it (wink wink). Also, it’s probably a good idea that if for some reason you do try this, make sure it’s not your first time smoking.

So I started to write about Young’s Double Chocolate Stout, the yummy yummy chocolate beer that is so good. Well obviously I deleted what I previously wrote, because when I went to their website to snoop around, I quickly discovered that they are the oldest running brewery in England….WOW!!! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! So I am going to continue writing about it, but I am saying write now I will be writing about this brewery again, in fact I might have to go visit next time I am in England. Check out their website: click here. Honestly, this company is a dominant force of beer, pubs, and even hotels! I am so excited I think I am going to schedule my trip right now.

IT TAKES AN ITALIAN

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.  The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.  One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane….If I am to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!

Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?”